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 Posted: Thu Dec 21st, 2006 03:07 pm
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jayjay
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Though everyone might get a kick out of this!

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday
buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you
see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving
rum balls.


2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly.  it's rare.  You
can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares
that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going
to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it.
Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!


3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of
gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of
your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.


4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk
or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a
sports car with an automatic transmission.


5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to
control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is
to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?


6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.
This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the
buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of
eggnog.


7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position
yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before
becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of
shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.


8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or
if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always
have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor
Day?


9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have
some standards.


10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the
party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.
Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the
corner. Remember this motto to live by:


"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather
to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up,
totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"


Have a great holiday season!

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 Posted: Fri Dec 22nd, 2006 09:55 am
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chippdipp
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Mmmm...gravy :)

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 Posted: Tue Jan 9th, 2007 10:58 am
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luv2weld
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I must be doing it right!!! I've been Folded, Spindled, and Mutilated!!!!
(That's probably a phrase that only those past 50 can understand!)

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 Posted: Thu Dec 10th, 2009 08:25 am
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Willyum
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As true today as it was in 2006! :D

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 Posted: Fri Jun 13th, 2014 02:36 am
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daniel19056
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Thanks for sharing!

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